She continued working and keeping busy. She commented on not seeing Parker and Tony around. Jean Marie told her he took Tony to visit Cara's parents and her grave. That Sunday, would be the day of her death. "He did ask that I tell you for him, since you didn't seem to want him to bother you. And wanted me to ask if he could call you when he returned."

"I don't think it would be such a good idea." She answered a little downhearted. "I'm thinking of moving on anyway."

"Oh why is that?" Jean Marie asked in her motherly way.

"It's just too many memories come back to haunt me wherever I go."

"Then maybe it's time you made some new ones. And Parker would be a great start. Don't run from something you can't help. The best way to solve a problem is to talk about it."

"I can't it's too painful." She said walking away, but Jean Marie followed her.

"Maybe it wouldn't be if you talked to someone. I thought we were friends? I'm a great listener. I have secrets too, but I share my problems with Gary and usually feel better."

"You are my friend and I value that. I'm just not ready to talk about it and never will be."

"Well I hope you don't let bad memories stand in your way of being happy?" Jean Marie asked.

"I don't think I can be happy anywhere or with anyone." Karolina answered. Jean Marie looked into her friends sad eyes and said. "Don't say that. Gary knows a good counselor at the station, why don't you talk to her?"

"Maybe when I feel like it, and I can't handle it anymore."

"Well please don't leave town, you are my best friend. As a matter of fact I may have a good wanted to see her. So was asking that she call him. Adding "You know what Orange blossoms mean don't you?"

"No what?"

"They mean he wants to spend the rest of his life with you." Karolina laughed and then asked "Where do you come up with such things?"

"I read it in a book about flowers. Different ones have different meanings. Just call him and thank him for the flowers. God I'm not asking you to marry him."

"Maybe I will see you at work."

"Call the man Karolina." And they said their good-byes and hung up.

Then next morning she asked her had she called, of course the answer was no. That day things were really slow and they were talking over coffee. Karolina had been listening to Jean Marie go on and on about her perfect marriage, and how much she was in love. Karolina asked

"So if you're the expert, tell me what love is."

"What? How old did you say you were?"

"Twenty five. I mean what your opinion is of love."

Jean Marie smiled sweetly and began when she had met Gary. She knew right away he was the man for her. "He was so cute and strong, and sweet. After months of holding hands he asked if he could kiss me. Most men just do it without asking. I thought that him asking was so sweet of him. That kiss warmed me all over, I saw stars, and heard music when there was none. I knew from that kiss I wanted to be with him forever."

She fixed them some more coffee and said, "You can't go by me, everyone has different feelings and their own ideas." Charles the chef spoke up saying.

"I remember when I first met Janie, I knew she would be mine." Jean Marie said.

"So tell us a man's view of love.

"She had made us dinner, and she burnt everything. The bread, the pot roast all was ruined. She cried forever until I insisted it wasn't bad. I over looked the burned and told her it was the best I had ever eaten. The dog wouldn't even eat the leftovers. I wanted to please her so much and not see her cry, I would have done anything for her. Today when she burns the bread I can still smile and eat it."

Jean Marie said "He even has a plaque hanging over the table that says, Lord bless these Burnt Offerings Again. That's why he became a chef." They had a few customers to take care of but later when they had time she asked. "So how does one know for sure if everyone has different feelings?"

Dear Old Mr. Wells who was a faithful customer who came in every day at the same time. He always sat at the same stool and ordered the plate lunch, spoke up. "You'll know in your heart. In fact everyone someday falls in love sometimes, twice if it's really love and not just companionship. Give me my usual please." They fixed him the usual plate lunch special and iced tea, in between bites he continued.

"When I met Frances it took me months to convince her she would have to spend her life with me. Every chance I had I wanted to be with her , even when I couldn't. I ached to be with her. Finally giving in to me we married. The only thing I regret is not asking her sooner, and not having children. She was the best you know. I know I'll be with her again, soon. And I can't wait to hold her again ." He wiped a tear from his eyes and finished eating.

Jean Marie whispered, "She died a year ago tomorrow. He comes here every night for his supper. It was her favorite place to eat. She always had the plate special and iced tea. He told Charles he used to hate iced tea, but he drinks it every day." Mr. Wells added as he pushed his plate away. "She couldn't cook either.

Karolina excused herself and went to the bathroom and had a good cry. She knew she could never love anyone or be good enough for anyone to love her. She pulled herself together and returned to her especially Parker."

"Well it's none of that." She said not looking at her.

"If you say so, here's your relief go change."

She changed her clothes, her shift was over and she would go home to that lonely apartment and to Mr. Peabody. Getting her purse and dirty uniforms she told Jean Marie and Charles goodnight and started out the door. She heard someone say "Don't leave Karolina." She felt arms around her legs and turned to see Tony. "Hi Buddy where have you been?"

"Vacationing, don't go yet."

"Well OK what would you like to do?"

"Eat dinner with me." She took his hand and said.

"OK let's get a table.

He led her to the back to a booth and she nearly turned around when she saw Parker who rose to greet her saying. "Well hello I didn't see you when we came in."

"I was changing I guess. Tony wants me to join you two." He swooped his arm letting her into the opposite side of the booth and sat down beside her. Jean Marie took their order and had a smile a mile long.

After they got their order and was eating she noticed him staring at her. She also noticed his hands were bare, the wedding ring gone. Wiping her mouth she said. "Thanks for the flowers they are so pretty."

"Pretty flowers for a pretty lady right daddy?" Tony chimed in. "Right on son. We had a nice visit back home. Tony got spoiled rotten by both grandmothers. So what have you been up to?"

"Just working and taking care of Mr. Peabody.'

"Who's Mr. Peabody?" Tony asked.

"You didn't get to see him did you son, you slept the whole time we were there." Karolina added.

"He's a big fat spoiled rotten cat and he drives me crazy sometimes."

"I want to see him, can I daddy? Grammy won't let me have a cat."

"Because she is allergic to them son."

Karolina continued, "Well Mr. Peabody is my best friend besides you guys and Jean Marie and Gary. He doesn't like a lot of people, but I'm sure he will like you. Maybe your dad will let you come home with me someday." Looking for an answer from his dad he said "Can I daddy please?" Karolina looked at Parker and smiled and said. "You can come too. Why don't we rent some movies and buy some popcorn and make it tonight, I'm off tomorrow?" Karolina reached for her napkin and Parker covered her hand with his and squeezed it and she smiled up at him. He said, "Finish your dinner both of you."

She told them to go pick out the movies and meet her at her apartment and left to hurry home, She quickly picked up a few out of place things and threw her uniforms into the washer. She was looking out the window in that apartment. She saw a curtain move as if someone was watching her too. She felt a cold chill up her spine and shivered. She also rubbed the ache in her side.

When she heard the knock on the door that startled her momentarily, then she opened it to find Tony and Parker loaded with packages. "Come on in what in the world did you two get?" She asked taking them out of the bags and putting them on the counter. "My son wanted every snack item he saw, cookies chips, popcorn and pop. We didn't know what you liked either so we got plenty." Tony brought the movies out and said "We got Batman and daddy wanted to see Sommersby it looks yucky." Karolina ruffled his hair and said "Well we'll just watch Batman first OK daddy?"

"Batman it is." And he loaded the VCR while she opened the snacks and put them on the coffee table and got cold drinks.

Tony scooted over putting her between them, and Mr. Peabody took right up with Tony curling up in his lap. They ate cookies and popcorn and Parker slipped his arm around her shoulders and she let him. Halfway through it he pulled her around her waist, he caught her off guard and startled her a little, he asked. "Do you know them?"

"Know it's been empty a long time. I just saw someone there yesterday. I guess they finally rented it. She was shivering again, he wanted to hold her and kiss her but he saw a scared look in her eyes, and he thought he had better not. "I hope you aren't getting sick."

"I hope so too, there is a virus going around."

They watched the rest of the movie in silence, she stayed wrapped up in the quilt under the warmth of his arms. When it was over and rewinding he said. "I like being with you and Tony sure does. And I know something is bothering you. I want you to know I'll help all I can."

"There's nothing you or anyone can do, it's within me. But thanks anyway. I like being with you too. It's been different than when I was with Michael, he scared me most of the time. He was as big as you, but there was something about him, I didn't trust. I couldn't be comfortable with him."

"But you are with me?" He asked.

She blushed and said "Sometimes I am.

"Did he hurt you, if he did I'll. "She stopped him from continuing. "No it's not that, just drop it please."

"OK I should get Tony home into bed call me if you need anything please?"

"I will I promise, thanks for the movie."

"Let's do it again soon?" She nodded an agreement. He reached out to kiss her but she turned away. He scratched his head and went to get Tony. As he left he told her to lock up after him, and he left.

That night she had that dream again. Exhausted she got out of bed and washed her face and stared at it in the mirror. Brushing her hair she noticed a lot of brown showing through it. She reached into the sink cabinet and pulled out a box of hair dye and done her hair. At five she finished it and was drinking coffee staring out the window again.

The phone jarred her silence and she jumped spilling her coffee and breaking another cup. She answered it and heard a familiar voice say "Hello Susan." She slammed down the phone and yanked the cord out of the wall. She curled up with Mr. Peabody crying and silently saying "Not again, not again." And cried herself to sleep.

When she woke up she had chills and a fever and soon was vomiting for days. All she could do was stay in bed or on the couch, when she wasn't running to the bathroom. She drifted off in between fretful sleeps. She was too sick and didn't want to bother anyone for help. Besides she was use to being alone.

The third day she managed to find a cup of soup and keep it down, Late that evening she felt a little better. There was a urgent knock on the door. Ignoring it until she heard Gary call out to her she opened it. He looked around the room and coming inside he said "You're a mess."

"Gee thanks Gary, I've been sick, but I'm better now."

Looking around the room he found the phone cord pulled out of the jack. He said "Jean and Parker have tried to reach you for days I can see why they couldn't." He fixed the phone and picked up some of the mess and asked. "Can I call Parker for you?"

"No I look like hell, I don't want him to see me now. He looked in her pantry and said. "At least let me get you some things. You know she would never forgive me if I didn't.

" She made a list of things she needed and wanted. While he was gone she done the dishes and picked up some of the trash. When he returned and put the things away he asked "Can I do anything else for you"

"You've done enough thanks." She gave him some money for the things he bought and she was staring out the window and she asked. "Can you find out who lives over there for me?"

"I guess so why?"

"Just curiou lots of people dye their hair and like nice things. That doesn't make her a criminal. Or hiding something."

"Maybe not dear, but our friend is hiding something or from someone. Why does she keep her phone unplugged all the time?'

"Hang-ups constantly she says, she gets tired of it I guess."

"Well as a friend and then a cop, I need answers. I'm going to see Parker and see what he knows."

"Nothing I can tell you that."

Gary left to go find Parker and later that night Jean Marie called to see how she was and when she would return to work. She assured her she would as soon as she regained her strength. The phone rang twice later after she had showered and put on a clean nightgown and robe, and she felt better. Only one of the calls did someone say anything and that was "Hello Susan, long time no see." She slammed the phone down and started shaking.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, she ignored it. Then the knob turned and then a knock again. She looked around for another way out but there was none and she was getting scared. Then she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

She ran and opened the door to find Parker leaning against the wall. He was grinning at her but that soon disappeared when he saw the look on her face. He pushed through and shut the door asking "What's wrong?"

"Nothing I was just surprised to see you." She said not looking him in the eye. "Gary found me at the gym and told me you were sick. Why didn't you call me?"

"There was no nothing you could do for me. And you didn't need to get sick from me, I feel much better."

He was looking around the room and he noticed she was trembling as she poured them both coffee. He took her hand and then pulled her into his arms and held her. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. She loved the feel in his strong arms, where she felt safe. She couldn't understand but there was something about him that made her feel protected there. And she felt like nothing would hurt her while she was there.

He felt she had stopped trembling and he kissed the top of her head and led her to the couch and got their coffee. She didn't say anything for a minute and sipped her coffee. Setting the cup down she brushed her hair back saying "I must be a mess. I'm weak from being sick and haven't done my hair."

"I think you look just fine, but I am worried about you."

"There's no need to be, I feel much better." She answered still not looking at him. He asked "Can I fix you something to eat?"

"No I'm not hungry are you?"

"No I ate before i came over, so you had a virus?"

"I guess so"

"Maybe you should go to a doctor."

"No I don't need a doctor "

She had said that a little hasty and she went to the kitchen for more coffee. She was pouring two more coffee when the phone rang. She dropped her cup in the sink, breaking it, and staring at the ringing phone. Parker was taking it all in the way she looked, and the panic that rose in her face. The third ring he answered it. It was jean Marie checking on her again. She was relieved to hear her voice when Parker handed her the phone.

Parker was looking at the locks on the door and said they looked like good locks. Taking his seat beside her on the couch again he slipped his arms around her and she rested her head against his shoulder and he asked. "So you're getting the calls again. Do they say anything or just hang up?"

"Both"

"Gary could put a trace on the line,"

"I'm sure it's nothing."

He kissed her shaky hand and said, "Honey I think there's more to it. If someone is making threats to you, there's laws t news?"

He settled back to watch it with her slipping his arm around her again. Before it was over she had fell asleep. He picked her up and carried her to her bed. She moaned and said "Mr. Peabody you're back." Mr. Peabody had already jumped up beside her. He covered her up and kissed her head. He stood watching her a few minutes and went back to the living room. There he turned off the TV and lights and locked the door behind him as he left.

Something woke her it was three a.m. She sat up in bed listening for the noise again. She was sure she wasn't dreaming this time. Mr. Peabody's hair was standing on end. She called out to Parker and didn't get an answer. Getting up and turning on lights she saw nothing was there and Parker was gone. She checked her locks on the door and windows and went back to her room and rummaged in the closet searching hastily.

She finally found what she was looking for, first was a book of brown leather jacket, with a lock on it. Her hands shook as she traced the gold letter one by one as they spelled out DIARY. Then she opened the shoe box. Inside she pulled out a piece of coiled rope, a bloody handkerchief. Under it laid the cold steel of a 45 revolver. She searched the box for bullets and loaded it and put it under her pillow.

In her purse she found a key and unlocked the diary. She wasn't sure she wanted to read it. But then she had some decisions to make so thought she should. She remembered the first one she had gotten lost or destroyed. She had started it at fourteen, but she remembered most of it by heart.

She remembered being poor when they moved from North Carolina to California in search of a better life. Her sister was eight then she was fifteen. Her mom and dad found work right away in the fields picking fruit, but they hated it. Her daddy vowed it wouldn't last forever. She and Carolyn had played in the truck making up games or playing with their only dolls.

Finally her daddy found a better job and quit the fields, her mom took a cleaning job. She never knew what her done for a living and she was too busy enjoying it to care. Her job was taking care of the house cooking and taking care of Carolyn. But she remembered her daddy was gone a lot and her mamma cried. But soon they had lots of money. Well it seemed like a lot for those who weren't use to having any. They were able to buy a new house and at Christmas time they had lots of food and gifts, toys and clothes. But her mama still cried a lot at night.

The new diary took up when she was sixteen an very pretty and too developed for her age, it started April 5 1965.

The Beginning of Tears

Just when I thought everything was going to be allright with us, my world fell apart. Since daddy was doing so well in his new job, we have nice clothes and enough food now. But tonight when mom told us to take our baths she came to me when Carolyn was in the tub.

She said there was a nice family who could take care of me. They would give me lots of pretty clothes, take me to parties and I could got to a nice school, maybe even college. Although I cried and told her I didn't want all that, she just told me to hush and be a big girl. She said soon I would be a woman and want fancy things. The kind of things only they could give me. She told me to be nice to them and do what they told me. She left me alone and crying, telling me it would do no good to cry and complain, it had to be.

April 6: I couldn't eat today. I was all dressed up in new clothes and ribbons were in my waist length hair. I still begged my daddy and mamma not to send me away. I told them whatever bad thing I had done I wouldn't do anymore. And pleaded with them to let me stay. Right after I got home from school I tried again and I threatened to run away tonight. Daddy just sent me to my room and threatened to whip me if I didn't stop nothing for me to do but read and look out the window, where I see lots of cars coming and going. I haven't seen anyone but the maid who brings me food. Thank goodness there are plenty of books to read. I wonder if they will ever let me out of here.

9: She brought me lunch and a clock, she told me I should bath and dress. Then come downstairs at 4 PM. For dinner and she left me again. I was real excited surely this meant mamma and daddy were going to be there. I looked at all the fancy dresses that hung in the closet and even there was fancy underwear in the drawers. I found a nice simple dress and some small heeled shoes. Actually I liked most of the clothes, but I hated being here.

At dinner I met two children Kacey a girl about five and Stacey a boy who was nine. The man who was in the car introduced himself as Jackson and everyone else even the maid or his wife as Hilda. He introduced me as Susie. I soon corrected him saying my name was Susan not Susie. But he still called me that. He said tomorrow I would start to teach the children their school lessons. When I asked about mamma and daddy. He said they were too far away to visit.

After dinner I got acquainted with the children who were really sweet and took to me right off. They hated to leave me when it was time for bed. Actually they were treating me fairly well, and I wasn't hungry. But I didn't like being locked up at night.

Karolina put the book away and fell asleep. She was awake and cleaning her apartment, it was about one in the afternoon, she planned to go to work the following day. She noticed something she hadn't seen before and walked over to the window sill. There laid a cigarette butt, she knew she didn't smoke neither did Parker. The window was closed tightly and she looked above the curtains for a hole it could have fallen through, there was none.

She was puzzled where it could have come from. She dropped it in the trash and had a flashback. She was seeing this tall dark man smoking a cigarette, his head turned and she saw it was Jackson. She gasped and felt the chill and was rubbing her arms to warm them, when there was a knock on the door.

The second knock she asked who was it. She heard the giggle and sweet voice of Tony who said "Let me in please." She threw open the door and let him and Parker in. Parker kissed her cheek and Tony hugged her as she said "Hi sweetie." Parker was taking things out of a bag and she asked "what's up?."

Parker had a box in his hand and was fooling with the phone saying. "An answering machine. I had an extra and thought it might help you. If you like we can put Tony on with a message or me and confuse whoever keeps calling you and hanging up."

"You do it wouldn't it be better with a man's voice on it?" He answered by putting a simple message on the machine.

Next he took out some tools and a dead bolt lock and proceeded to put on a new lock, while she got Tony something to drink. They talked and laughed while Parker worked on the door. She was relieved somewhat, but wished he wouldn't go to so much trouble. Tony went to play with Mr. Peabody and she said. "I wish you wouldn't go to so much trouble."

"It's nothing the Super said I could put on a hundred lock for you if I wanted to. I will take some coffee please."

' He finished the lock as she poured them a cup and he brought the new keys to her. She thanked him and handed him his cup. He sipped it and looked around to see Tony follow Mr. Peabody into her bedroom and said. "You look better today."

"I feel much better thank you." He tucked her chin, looking deep into those eyes wishing he could see what she saw. She smiled and turned her head. But he turned it back and kissed her lips softly whispering "You're beautiful."

She blushed and bent her head down, he lifted it again inching closer could stay there. Karolina answered "Of course you can if it's allright with your daddy, and we'll go shopping.""

"Please daddy?" He pleaded. Parker grinned and said.

"Are you sure you are up to it? He can be a handful."

"I'd love it, he can help me with my groceries."

"Later can we go out to eat?"

"Tell me when you'll be through and I'll cook for us all." He took her hand and said, "That's not necessary."

"I want to really." He kissed her hand and agreed.

"You've been off from work, do you need some money?"

"Of course not, I'm fine.'

Parker soon left and said he would be back around five. Karolina hurried and changed her clothes and was straightening her bed when Tony came in and tried to help. He was putting the cover under the pillow and touched the gun. "Wow you got one too? Daddy has one in drawer beside his bed." She pushed the pillow back down and finished that side of the bed. They left for the store and had a good time picking out dinner supplies and some junk food for Tony. At a department store she replaced the broken coffee cups and got a new set of glasses for that night and bought a video for Tony to watch.

They about had dinner ready when Parker came in and hugged his son and Karolina and tossed the salad. Over dinner Tony mentioned the gun to Parker who stared at her and she said "It's just a simple gun, doesn't everyone have one?"

"I trust you know how to use it properly?"

"I can." And it was dropped.

She washed up the dishes as they wrestled in the living room. She enjoyed watching the two at play. Tony asked to watch the video and Parker put it in and joined her in the kitchen. Putting an arm around her he said "Thanks for dinner."

"I enjoyed cooking for someone else."

"Maybe we can do it again sometime?" He asked.

"I'd like that."

She glanced in on Tony who was engrossed in the movie, and Parker pulled her close and kissed her. She kissed him back, enjoying it again. When he held her tighter and lowered his hands to her back. She squirmed under his arms and pulled away from his mouth. She couldn't get away from him, saying "Let me go." He moved away from her and she left the room and went to the bathroom.

He joined Tony on the couch taking in the movie and she came back sitting between them. When she smiled at him he put his arms around her and they settled back to watch the movie. When it was over he got up getting his jacket on and Tony's He thanked her again and kissed her cheek and they left. She was preparing to take a shower and the phone rand the answering machine picked it up and she heard laughter on it. She read some more before going to bed.

June 10-17 held empty pages.

June 17: It has seemed like forever since I have been in this big house. The children and I have had some good times after our studies, playing in the yard. Only when that driver. They call Nosey Jonesey would sneak around spying on us we quit playing. Soon I began calling him that too.

June 18: We went on a picnic today and had so much fun playing by the lake. Soon I would be seventeen and he said I needed to grow up and be a woman instead of a mamma's baby. I was on the other side of the lake and sure I saw my daddy talking to this man who was so mean sometimes and yet sometimes nice to me. I waved and ran toward the two calling out to daddy. I knew he had come to take me home, I had to see him. He did wave back, but then he walked away toward the house. I screamed and ran after him. Running as fast as I could, but he kept on walking away. They were really nice to me tonight, fixed all my favorite foods. But I was too worried to eat. I still was locked in my room and c crying. I could hear him laughing and he said "You failed little one." Once again I wrote mamma begging them to come and get me. All the time knowing they never answered any of the other letters.

July 20-28 were empty pages and she put it away and went to sleep.

Morning woke her with a shock and she showered and dressed for work. Everyone was glad to see her back, and feeling better. Parker came in for lunch and asked her to go to a movie. She shook her head no and said "It's not a good idea at all, thanks anyway." He scratched his head and asked "Can I ask why?"

"I just don't think I should see you again." He left his uneaten order but left a tip behind.

She was moody the rest of the day, she regretted turning Parker down, she knew she obviously hurt his feelings but it was for the best. She could never have a relationship even if she enjoyed his company and his comforting arms. She wished things could be different, but they couldn't. He would never understand the problems she had and would never want her if he knew the truth.

Jean Marie tried to cheer her up and she knew exactly why she was feeling blue. She touched her friends hand looking into her eyes and said "You can always tell him you changed your mind. He'll understand." But Karolina only shook her head no. She went home to Mr. Peabody and couldn't even eat her dinner. She had a message from Parker on the machine. He said he couldn't understand her hot and cold feelings, but he would try. But if she didn't want to see him again, he would honor her decision. Adding "Just remember I'll be there for you whenever you want me for anything. I hope you realize I care about you, call me when you change your mind. She cried herself to sleep that night.

The next morning Jean Marie asked her if she felt well enough to go camping for the weekend. "Actually it won't be camping, we'll be in cabins. If you're up to it, we'd like you to come along." She said she would love to go. She was sick of being in town and would welcome the changes. That afternoon she was cleaning a table and she heard someone say. "Hey little one come here." She gasped and dropped a stack of dishes and went running to the bathroom,

Jean Marie cleaned the mess up and went to check on her. She found her locked in one of the booths crying uncontrollable. She saw sheer terror in her eyes when she finally convinced her to open the door. Karolina asked who was in the restaurant. "Just the regulars what's wrong with you?" She asked

"Describe them."

Jean Marie described everyone she saw and looking at her she said . "I'm calling Gary." She pulled her self together and convinced her she was fine. Then they went back to work the few hours they had left. She still looked forward to getting away for the weekend and mentioned it several times. At home she packed some clothes and food for Mr. Peabody and took a bath and scrubbed herself. Before going to bed she read some more.

I had only been eighteen a few months now and I still hat this place and that man. I have yet to hear from mamma and something must be terribly wrong.

This could have possible have been the worse day of my life. After dinner Jackson told me there had been an accident in Colorado and my parents and sister were killed in a car wreck. He said I would live with them forever and he would marry me. I would help raise his children and would be their mother. I told him I would never be a wife to him or marry him. But he brought in Nosey Jonesey and he said some stuff and said we were man and wife. Jackson put a big huge ring on her finger and cussed her when it fell off. Then he locked her in her room again.

Aug 4: No one has bothered me for days except to see if I wanted anything. All I ever wanted was to go home. Hilda came with my supper and laid out a beautiful nightgown for me after I him, nothing worked. It only left my body tender and raw. After drying off I tried every way to get out of my room. The doors and windows were all locked. There was no way out! I cried if there ever was a God please help me now.

Karolina looked around the room putting the book away. These rooms had locks too. But they were on the inside where she could lock someone out, not herself in. She locked the new lock Parker had put on. She touched her cheek where she felt and remembered his touch. She also felt her lips and remembered his kiss. It was different, but not enough difference. She went to bed hoping for a good nights sleep and nice weekend. She sat up in bed reached for the phone and started dialing Parker's number to tell him she was sorry and had changed her mind. But she only hung up after getting the answering machine.

She hustled out of bed and took a long shower. No matter if she took a thousand showers, she would never feel clean again, after what she had been through. She got her things together ready to pick up after her shift was over they would leave. They were excited all day and got to leave early so they could get a early start. She hurried home to get her things and put Mr. Peabody in the carrier and loaded her car. She drove to Gary and Jean Marie's and helped them load their wagon. During the hundred mile trip they sang songs and she temporary forgot her troubles.

The cabin was part of Gary's family history, that had been in the family for years. There were three cabins around the private lake that they said held lots of good fish. The cabin may have looked rustic on the outside but was fairly modern on the inside. Gary built a fire while they unpacked their things. He talked about all the good times he had there as a boy.

Karolina mentioned she saw smoke in one of the other cabins, and said perhaps they weren't the only ones out for the weekend. That remark wasn't answered and she thought no more about it and they prepared for bed so they could get an early start fishing.

Smells of breakfast woke Karolina and she dressed and went to the kitchen. Was she ever surprised to see Parker at the table. He rose to greet her and held her hand in his saying "Good morning." Tony and Ida Marie were playing Nintendo and Tony said "Hi Karolina."

"Hi buddy I didn't know you would be here."

Gary poured her some coffee and said "He came Thursday night. Actually that's where I got the idea, after he mentioned he wanted to get away. We just forgot to mention he was here. After the guys went out fishing Jean Marie spoke up. "Actually I knew you wouldn't come if you knew he was here. What's wrong with you? Most women chase Parker. You caught his heart and you could care less."

"I wouldn't say that, I do like Parker very much."

"Well you sure fool me, and I'm sure him too." She said hastily. "I told you I don't chase guys."

"So don't just let him catch you."

"I doubt that I could ever relax enough and be good enough for any man especially Parker.

Jean Marie looked at her with tears in her eyes and said. "Please don't say that. None of us can say we are good enough for anyone. I've put this off long enough, you won't talk about it but I will. I think you have all the symptoms of a rape victim." Karolina jerked her head turning away from her so she couldn't see the tears burning her eyes.

Jean Marie continued. "The baggy shirts , jeans high neck blouses. One time I saw you in a sexy outfit and I haven't seen it since." Jean Marie put her arms around her and said "Let us help you, Gary has a friend at the station. She and Gary both have helped a lot of women overcome their fears."

"You're the one who is saying I have, not me." She raised her head making her look at her and said. "I think it's true. We all care about you, and put it in a bucket she hugged him with glee, and was ready to catch another one.

They had sandwiches for lunch and afterwards she walked with the kids around the lake and was deep in thought. She was remembering that other time she was by a lake and she thought even now that she was seeing her father on the other side. Not realizing it was just a flashback in her mind.

Karolina was running and calling something out too far away for Tony to hear what she was saying. He ran to hear her, when suddenly she stopped . She was looking at the bare scenery in front of her and she realized he wasn't there. She sank down in the grass and cried, knowing it was only in her mind. She heard voices far behind her asking "What's wrong?" She held her hands up to her face and cried.

She wasn't aware that Tony was running the other way and didn't hear him yelling "Daddy something is wrong with Karolina." The three others threw their poles down and ran toward them. She did think she heard Kacey saying "Don't cry my daddy is coming." She didn't care she wasn't going anywhere with that hateful man.

She did hear other voices asking "What's wrong" suddenly she was back to the present and Parker was checking her ankle for a sprain. She looked into the concerned eyes of her friends. She wiped her eyes and stared at Parker hoping he didn't see the fear she felt. He pulled her to her feet asking "Did you fall honey?" She shook her head and said. "Let's go fishing again. I'm OK." The other three exchanged glances and shrugged their shoulders and they walked back. She never mentioned what happened and they didn't ask.

The next flashback came after they quit fishing. She was in the swing, reading to the kids, and watching the men clean the fish. Something caught her eye, she saw a shiny knife blade and stared at it. As she watched it move around glaring in the light she was seeing something else. She saw a girl tied to a bed someone standing over her raking the knife down her tender skin, scratching it and scraping it. The girl flinched and tried to strain under the restraints.

The figure above her holding the knife was a big guy and he laughed as he scratched and poked the girl who begged to be let go. "Gary and Parker both heard the gasp and the cry of "No let me go." Parker went over to her and she was staring right at him But Karolina saw a hazy figure in front of her as she shielded herself hands free and said "Stop!"

Parker touched her shoulder and she jumped as she heard a voice calling "Karolina." She put her hand down squinting her eyes she saw Parker. "What's wrong honey?" She shook her head and looked away. He told the children "Why don't you two go set the table for dinner. When they left he sat down in the swing and pulled her head down on his shoulder with his arm around her and said. "I wish I could read your mind."

"Well I don't." She put her arms around his chest and hugged him saying "Just hold me please." He tightened his arms around her and felt her body tremble. Gary left them alone taking the fish inside to be cooked.

He rubbed her back as she held on tight to him he whispered "Tell me what's wrong will you?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't." A few minutes later she raised up and dried her eyes and said. "I am sorry for what I said to you the other day. Although I don't think we should see each other, I want to. I like having you for a friend and I like your company and when you hold me. Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not, I won't push you but I want to be with you, and I want you in my life."

"But it won't work."

"Yes it will trust me." He pushed her head back down and held her again.

They ate dinner of fresh fish and all the trimmings, and begin to play cards. Taking a break didn't fail to see the scars small ones and a large one on the side, before she jerked the towel up in front of her. Jean Marie said "Sorry, you OK?"

"Sure I'm just tired." And she slipped on her shirt. Jean Marie changed into pajamas and they said goodnight.

They were sound asleep when a scream pierced the night. Jean Marie and Gary bolted straight up in bed listening. Then they heard it again, a painful blood curdling scream, and the words "No let me go." Coming across the hall. Gary ran over to Karolina's room, with Jean Marie right behind him. She was still asleep hands above her head, tossing and turning moaning "No." Gary said "Get Parker." But Jean Marie was frozen watching the scene before them.

Gary started shaking and calling to Karolina trying to wake her up. She was reaching down to jerk the cover on her feet saying" Stop, please don't hurt me." Gary again looked at jean Marie and said "Get him." This time she ran from the room like the devil himself was on her heels. Gary grabbed Karolina's hand and said "It's me Gary wake up, you're OK, it's only a dream wake up."

She opened her eyes and looked around the room he said "We're at the cabin remember, you're OK." She jumped out of bed and stood at the window staring at the bed. She said "It's this bed I can't sleep here."

"OK you can have ours then."

She stared wild eyed at the bed seeing the image of herself there hands tied above her head. Feet tied to each post naked and vulnerable. She shivered and Gary got her a quilt from the back of a chair, and wrapped it around her. She still stared at the bed and Gary saw deep terror behind those blue eyes, that scared even him. He was watching and could tell her mind raced on. She was still seeing herself there on the bed tied and struggling. A figure above her ran the cold steel of a knife blade down her body. Sometimes it scratched her and drew blood.

Gary saw Parker come in the door and he motioned him to be quiet. They both watched as she stood there staring at the bed shaking. Parker started to walk over to her he wanted to hold her and tell her it was allright. But Gary made him wait. She saw the knife poking and raking her tender skin, as someone bit her and poked something else between her spread legs. She turned away from the bed and the sight before her that was only in her mind. She looked into two sets of tear rimmed eyes.

She ran into the one set of opened arms that closed so tight around her and she felt safer. She cried and he kissed the top of her head trying to quiet her and said: "I'm here sweetheart, nothing is going to hurt you now. It was only a dream." He held her a few more minutes longer and they led her to the couch. She saw Jean Marie carry Tony in and into the other room.

Chapter 3 Admitting at last

Parker still held onto her and she held onto the quilt. Gary knelt in front of her and taking her hand he asked "You were raped weren't you?" She nodded her head yes and Gary's hand tightened on hers and Parker's arm tightened around her.